107. Little Miracles

 

We tend to forget that miracles happen.  It’s easy in our overly busy lives to forget that miracles happen, all the time.  They do.  The Universe is a magical place.   So magical that we have no idea how amazing it really is.  Magical things happen consistently.  We don’t even notice most of the time.  This blog post is about just one of those magic moments.

This blog post could have easily been titled something like, “A Day In The Life Of Someone With ALS “.  It was an ordinary day.  I was doing what I do almost every single day.  Basically, nothing.  I was sitting in my chaise with my cozy blankets and a heating pad on.  I was warm and as comfortable as I can ever get.  I had my computer in front of me, working away at checking email, typing a blog post, or researching something or another.  The same things I do every day.  I had my smoothie in front of me, with a straw strategically placed so I could get a drink hands-free because my arms quit working years ago.

My husband announced that he was heading to the woods to clear out an area and cut up dead trees.  I was busy on my computer, I could hear him outside start up one of his tractors.  It ran for a while.  I don’t know if he was having trouble with it, but he didn’t leave right away, which was a little odd, but I didn’t think much of it at the time.  I got a drink.  The smoothie was peach.  My mom had been making me one every day lately.  I had found a new supplement that people who have ALS are using, and some people are seeing improvement, so I thought I might as well try it!  Maybe the 998th treatment is the charm!  I’m only slightly exaggerating, I have only tried a few hundred different supplements!

The smoothie was so good.  It was dripping on me, so I moved my head closer, and that’s when something happened.  My neck muscles just gave out. I tried to pull my head up, but it wasn’t working.  I tried and tried, and it kept falling forward.  I had a neck pillow around the back and sides of my neck like you use in a car, or on a plane.  It usually is enough to give my neck just a bit of support and to rest my neck on it while I sit there.  Well, my chin slipped down in the open space in the pillow and was now resting on my chest.  My hair hit my straw in front of me, and smoothie started pouring out and down my hair, and onto my blanket.  It was a crocheted blanket, so it was also flowing through onto my clothes.  I had my head resting on my glass in front of me, causing it to tip over, ever so slightly.  If I let my head push too hard, I knew it would topple over and pour out all over my brand new laptop.  There was no way I could get my head up.  That wasn’t happening.  I use a Tobii eyegaze system on my computer to type and run the mouse.  My head was too far down for it to work since it has to be able to connect with my eyes to operate.  I could still hear the tractor running outside.  My husband hadn’t left yet.  He was too far away though, he can hardly hear me when we are in the same room, no way he would hear me when he was outside, even with the open windows.  I have an Echo beside me, Alexa was my only hope.  I started trying to wake Alexa.  But, with my chin resting on my chest, it was hard to talk loudly enough for the Echo/Alexa, to hear me.  Especially with the loud rumble of the tractor outside, and of course, I had to have a video playing on my computer! I really had it cranked up too, so I could hear over the noisy tractor.   It wasn’t working!  I was getting a bit frantic. My heart started racing.  I knew I could potentially be stuck there like that for literally hours!  This wasn’t the first time this exact same thing had happened.  ALS causes your muscles to randomly quit working before they totally give out and never work again.  I was once stuck for at least an hour, and that was bad enough, I couldn’t imagine hours upon hours.  But, once my husband left for the woods, he would be gone for hours.  My mom, or my sister-in-law, or mother-in-law are just phone call or FB message away, but with my head down, and no computer access, I couldn’t send a message. No one would know I needed help.  I tried to remain calm.  I remember the words, “No” and “Please”, coming out of my mouth.  It’s like I made no decision to say them, they just came out, over and over again.!  Especially, “please”!   I kept trying, “Alexa”!  “Alexa”!   She finally woke up.  I said, “drop-in on mom”!   Ugh!  I had forgotten that she was listed on the drop-in feature as, Sharon.  Well, I told myself, I got her to wake once, so I could do it again  My brain was reminding me that the more upset I got, the harder it was to talk.  Also, the longer I sat like that with my head slumped over the harder it was to talk.  Remember, the smoothie was still pouring out down my hair and onto my blanket and clothing.  I started to ask my grandmother for help in my mind!  She had passed away three years ago.  I always thought that if a person could pray to a saint, then why not a loved one??  Then, I added in, my husband’s grandmother!  Why not!?  Maybe she could get his attention, and make him come back inside.  He was still outside with the tractor running.  A minute or two later (I have no idea how long the whole ordeal was, maybe fifteen minutes total), the tractor shut off!  I don’t know why.  Then, I heard something.  My husband said something, I couldn’t tell what.  I said, “help”, in a now very, very quiet voice.  He said, Hang on, I’m coming!  I had a sense of instant relief!!  Remember, my husband, can’t hear me 99% of the time when he is sitting beside me!  So, how did he happen to turn off the tractor and somehow hear me with the computer running loudly, and my voice at a whisper?  Did his grandma, or mine get his attention?   I have no idea.  I’m guessing one of them definitely helped out.  It was a tiny thing, but to me, it was nothing short of a miracle!  A huge miracle!

I got my head up and situated, and we got my neck brace to give my neck a rest, and a little more support.  My husband went back outside and went back to the woods.  I went back to my computer, after saying a few silent, thank you’s, and went on with my day.  Miracles happen all the time.  You just have to believe.